Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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