Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
