If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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