god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
