OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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