I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
