Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
