I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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