a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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