He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
