Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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