During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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