somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
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you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
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By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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