He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
