My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
