idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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