never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
