she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
