the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
