I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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