my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
