It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
