So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
