Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
