and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
