I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
