The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
