We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
