You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
