i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
