My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
