She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
