he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
