R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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