When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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