So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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