i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
