I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Actions speak louder than pants.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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