Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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