i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
