Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
