I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
