This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
