Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
