well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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