Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
