new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
i think im in europe. pls send help
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
