i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
