I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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