need another drink. this is the easiest way
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
