marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
