no, he came in my armpit
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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