the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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