3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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