finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
