too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
