She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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