Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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