called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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