do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Randomize
