you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Randomize
