Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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