We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
